THE CRIMEA

Leeds Review

Cos I’m so crap at them, I figured I’d leave it. But TOTP is on so it’s not like I’ve got anything good to do right now…

So on come Davey & Co. to a typically muted Ash crowd. I’m sure the only reason there was any applause was because they though it was Ash. Fuck off spikey haired lads and 5ft teen girls, it’s time for 30 mins of screaming and jumping from the new Crimea line-up (new for me at least).

The first three songs complete their current single releases WRG and LWOA all sound pretty neat, though they were never a favourite of mine. Davey try to get everyone in the party mood by reminding them it’s the final night of the tour, then introduces “another song about getting fucked”, Baby Boom. And it’s fine n all but after all the rumours of Davey’s scissor kicks rearing their head at previous gigs, I’m starting to think I’m cursed to eternally watch the flying man grounded forever.

But next up is what could possibly become the fourth single, Weird. The sound guys get Davey’s voice echoing just like on the demo I’ve heard, though the guitars a little too quiet in venue for the whole song to sound as good. Not that I care, cos up Davey goes and he ain’t coming down again for another 20 minutes. With Andy bouncing away his hair’s starting to look like a tumbleweed flying through the “wish you weren’t here” crowd. Well it ain’t that bad, a couple girls are singing along and someone’s bouncing. A little.

Time to pull out the big guns. Opposite Ends, unlike the first few, is still one of the best songs I’ve ever heard. I first heard and saw the guitar line being played by Dan in a video of the Crocketts, and Andy plays so well it would hard to tell the difference in anything other than looks. No punches in the head for Davey then but he looks happy enough screaming away. Actually he don’t look all there really, mumbling something about “Leeds” every other song intro and generally sounding a bit pissed. Maybe it’s the heat of the place, a nice 35C plus.

Bombay Sapphire Coma goes down pretty well. Dunno why, it don’t sound too different from everything else. But Andy’s really creating the early feel of the songs, like when I first heard them. Julz kinda took them all country and lord knows you’d have a hard time playing as good as her, but you add in a simpler style and let Andy’s part shine, and you got some classic Crimea tracks (and if you look at the bottom of the page you’ll know what that means).

“You know, Beans On Toast is a hard thing for some people to contemplate. Anyway, She couldn’t make it, so…” Davey’s got that psychopathic look in him again for Girl Just Died. I actually recorded the whole gig. It came out crap like but you get the point, and I’m just listening to this song. I was gonna say something about the whole extra section they’ve added to the end third of the song, but I notice Andy’s totally changed the verse tune aswell. Even so, I still wanted to listen to That’s For Sure after the gig. “Made the same mistakes again…” Someone please get a good recording of this. If it don’t get released, that is.

The Miserabilist Tango heralds more scissor kicks, the lightings shit so I only see a shadow going up and down, but all the more reason to get to a proper gig in a small venue without any of this pop concert shit. You’ve gotta hear how Davey sounds after he’s finished this song. While breathing heavily, he just manages to stutter out “thankyou, thanks very much, thanks very much leeds, thankyou very much, it’s been a fucking night, leeds you’re amazing…” in the space of about 3 seconds. At least he calms down for a couple seconds to get the album plug out. Apparently it’s on sale somewhere. Not like they’re gonna let anyone forget it later on…

I dunno what Davey’s on but the fact his guitar seems to have any tune it had and has turned into a percussion instrument is pretty much hidden by his disturbing mental state he seems to be in. “JUST CAN’T GET LAID, FUCKIT” *bounce* *bounce* *thrash* *bounce* sums up the final track Allah Was Wrong. Andy decides to impersonate Joe’s idol King Kong (with “King Kong Died For Our Sins” written on his shirt) by climbing a speaker. It may only be two foot high but he’s a short ass and I’m impressed anyway. And then Davey goes off on one, spinning around, guitar going everywhere, knocking into the mic stand he tries to stop it flying off into the crowd and is lucky it only falls backwards onto the stage floor. Never mind, a bit more jumping around and they’ve finished anyway.

The whole bands kinda come together with everyone seeming to have equal parts to play, Daveys a fookin nutter again, the new tracks kick ass and they’re easily starting to shake off the relationship with the crox. Other than the obvious that is. Though there is that re-written Million Things one… and the billy the bunt-esque one…

Speaking of the crox, The Crimea played at a phonics gig a few days ago, and there just happened to be half of the old crox lable V2 there as well. Cue much bragging about a Crimea deal with Warners to the Virgin reps. But it’s only all good if they sell enough albums, so after the gig all five of the lads grab a handful of albums and get to work. “Girls, you know you want one…. A Crimea album that is” and “Blow jobs a fiver, Crimea albums a tenner” are both used to compete with the row of t-shirt bootleggers outside the venue. They’d sold about eight once I left, just as Andy N tried to get back into the venue through a crowd of ten bouncers tryna stop him. Maybe they were Julz fans too. But as far as the band goes, as long as the man keeps jumping I don’t mind who they’ve got on lead, and Andy plays as good as anyone else could.

Had I the popularity to get to London and enjoy anything other than the gig, I’d be at the Garage right now. A bit late for the reminder but they return to Aber tomorrow. If you live anywhere in Wales, get along and watch, take pics, record stuff. And someone make some Andy wigs cos I’ve got a little money making scheme thought up again…

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